What I can help with
Anxiety and depression
These widespread, distressing conditions can be handled in diverse ways in talk therapy.
Some approaches focus more on coping in the present – through cognitive reframing, working with the body’s instincts, or developing strategies around triggers. Other schools of thought focus on getting at the deep, originary wounds that may be manifesting on the surface as distressing moods.
I like to work back and forth across surface and depth, addressing both the present difficulties and their possible early-life origins. You will have autonomy and choice as to how we navigate this. It is my job to point out the possibilities, not to tell you what to do.
I have found that focusing on strategies can make daily life more workable, which can create an upward spiral of changed behaviours and changed outcomes. On the other hand, deeper healing can also filter upward in mysterious and powerful ways, interrupting the familiar trigger/upset cycle and making new things feel possible.
This is why I recommend working with both. So far, so hopeful – yet I also want to acknowledge that these conditions can be persistent and very draining. They are not the sufferer’s fault, but it can sometimes feel like they are, and that can be lonely. Sometimes therapy simply offers a space to sit together with what is present, without pressure to fix or change it.
ADHD and autism
You may have a diagnosis of a neurodiverse condition, or you may simply have read about the features of ADHD or autism and found them resonant. I have lived experience of ADHD, and am very interested in the question of how to thrive with a brain that works differently than the world sometimes seems to expect. I am aware of the current state of neurodiversity theory (which is very much in flux), as well as a wide range of practical strategies for working with the brain you have. If you have been feeling somehow “wrong” or out of place because of how you approach things, I believe you, and I would like to help. Some specific challenges that I have supported include:
- breaking time blindness and adrenalin dependence (that is, the use of stress and urgency to get things done, which can be costly to health and peace)
- prioritising tasks so that life doesn’t feel frittered away
- managing overwhelm and shame in response to external (or internal) demands
- making yourself understood by people who don’t share your experience
- grieving the realisation that there was never anything “wrong” about you
- working out a personal path to success
- doing therapy your way, with supportive adjustments and space for how you see things.
Achievement issues: frustration and perfectionism
Difficulties with achievement can look like either of two extremes: compulsive over-performance that wears you out and leaves you restless and hollow; or frustrated under-performance that sees you mired in setbacks and wondering why it’s so hard to build a life you feel proud of. Either situation wreaks havoc with self-esteem, and I don’t believe anyone would willingly choose it. I don’t believe these situations arise from innate character flaws, either. They are signs that something has gone askew in a person’s relationship with effort and achievement. The consequences can be distressing across many domains of life.
The question, then, is what is out of order, and can it be set to rights? I went through my own process to arrive at a peaceful relationship with effort and achievement. This then became a research interest, and is now something I enjoy exploring with others. If you’ve been feeling for years like achievement is out of reach – or is present in bucketloads, but never brings you peace – you aren’t alone. We may be able to untangle this together if we try.
Meaning and motivation
Many a thoughtful person builds up a range of capabilities, and commits to a serious trajectory in life, only to find themself restless at a certain point and wondering what it all means. This is less likely an indicator that you’ve done something “wrong” than that something that wants expression has been left out. My practice offers a space of intellectual and emotional depth where you can take a pause in your busy week to consider this something more. We can look at what might be keeping some of your most important longings, gifts, or impulses out in the cold – and what practical steps you might take to welcome them back and give them expression.
Anger
It is possible to cultivate a healthy relationship with anger – to learn to feel it and express it at the right time, to the right degree, without destructiveness or overwhelm. But not everybody experiences their anger this way. Perhaps you find it difficult to connect with yours, even when you need it. Or conversely, you may live with chronic irritability or sudden spikes of rage. Feeling anger can be complicated if you have experienced someone else’s destructive rages, or if you have lived in environments where anger was taboo. One might argue that this whole society is a place where anger is taboo – which I think also furnishes rather a lot of evidence that suppressing anger doesn’t banish it, but only makes it come out sideways, in times and places that are less than helpful.
I am a bit of a nerd about this emotion, which I think is widely misunderstood, and I welcome it in my consulting room. It’s okay if your anger emerges clumsily, or sometimes feels excessive. Not many of us were taught how to right-size our anger, nor to handle it elegantly. We can work with your anger just as it is. If you are worried about how things might go if anger came into our work, I would invite you to book a call and be honest about this. We can talk through how we might handle that together. I will always encourage an open, non-judgemental approach to this universal emotion.
Attachment and relationship challenges
Living well after a tricky childhood
Even for determined, resilient people, childhood difficulties can linger – as chronic stress or illness, low self-worth, confusion about identity, relationship friction, or problems with mood and focus. Many people aren’t sure if their childhood “counts” as difficult, and this can be a source of confusion and shame in itself. If this is something you are thinking about, I would urge you to keep an open mind. You might frame the question simply in terms of what still hurts from the past (whether you think it “should” or not); what flourishing might look like, if you could lay the suffering to rest; and what, if anything, might currently be blocking your way.
A peaceful life is possible, even after a difficult start. In my view, living well means living whole – confronting past hurts in a balanced way; taking back what was stolen, sacrificed, or distorted; and discovering the resources, within you and around you, to carry you forward into a future you’re excited about.
